Growing Up Misunderstood: My Journey to an Adult ADHD Diagnosis
Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and today I would like to share my personal story.
Throughout my life, I have often felt out of place, as if I were different and didn't quite fit in. I didn't communicate like others, nor did I think the same way. Growing up, I was consistently in trouble; I frequently interrupted adults, talked too much and too quickly, and struggled to sit still. School was particularly challenging for me; maintaining focus while trying to stay still was difficult. As a result, I often faced disciplinary action from teachers. I made careless mistakes and would forget to complete my homework. Despite being told repeatedly that I had potential, I was often labelled as lazy and advised to try harder.
As I grew older, I learned to hide my true behaviour, although I only learned to call it "masking" much later in life. I was simply acting the way I thought the adults around me wanted me to behave. In my desire to fit in with my peers, I did what was necessary to blend in. I developed various strategies to navigate social situations. Throughout adulthood, I continued to apply what I had learned about masking, all while silently struggling with my self-image. I have come to accept that I was solely responsible for my behaviour, which was merely a part of my personality that dominated my life at that time.
My life continues, and I graduated from university. I moved to Australia and travelled around Asia before relocating to Vietnam. I changed careers and became an ESL teacher. Throughout these moments, my life has been a rollercoaster. There have been good days, weeks, and months when I could manage and control my impulsivity and hyperactivity. However, there have also been days and weeks when ADHD took over, leading to careless spending and spontaneous trips.
I was 31 when I realised it was time to take control of my life. I began exploring time management techniques and studying cognitive behavioural therapy while also learning about ADHD in adults during my MA in Education. During this period, I was balancing work, studying, travelling, and striving to maintain a healthy lifestyle and an active social life. Eventually, I hit a breaking point. Everything became overwhelming, and despite my efforts to keep up, I couldn't manage it all.
Feeling different and unseen can be an isolating journey — especially before an ADHD diagnosis.
Being Diagnosed with ADHD
I decided to pursue a diagnosis to find out if ADHD was the reason behind my struggles. I questioned whether I had potential but was being lazy, thinking I needed to try harder. However, obtaining an ADHD diagnosis in Dublin, Ireland, proved to be quite challenging. I first had to schedule an appointment with my GP, who would then determine whether to refer me to a specialist. Unfortunately, the waiting lists for such referrals were over two years long. Fortunately, I was able to get tested privately.
The entire process was quite an unpleasant experience for me. I had to open up to a complete stranger, and as we went through the questions, it brought up a lot of memories. I realised that my inattentive ADHD might have gone unrecognised due to extensive masking, and I had mistakenly thought I was just lazy. However, my hyperactivity...how was that overlooked? I was a poster child for hyperactive ADHD; all the symptoms were clear as day. I was told multiple times that I used to run around almost constantly, sometimes in circles, never seeming to have an off button. So how was it possible that my ADHD went unnoticed? I struggled to find an answer to that question.
At the age of 32, I finally received my diagnosis of ADHD combined type. It was one of the best and worst moments of my life. On one hand, I felt sad and angry. I was sad because I wondered if I had received this diagnosis earlier in my life, would my life have been different? I thought it might have changed who I am. All those years of struggling and believing I was the problem weighed heavily on me. I was also angry that I wasn't aware of my ADHD and that there wasn't a stronger awareness of it among educators and students during my upbringing.
I felt a sense of relief as I finally understood why I had struggled so much. I realised that I could learn more about ADHD and find ways to help myself. I also knew that I could seek assistance from professionals.
Receiving my diagnosis provided me with a clearer understanding of who I am. It allowed me to connect with a community of people who have ADHD, which I found incredibly helpful. I enjoyed attending ADHD events, joining support groups, and reading stories similar to my own. These experiences made a significant difference in my journey. Now, two years after my diagnosis, I feel content. My life finally makes sense, and I feel that I have taken charge of it.
I understand that getting diagnosed didn't fix everything, but it gave me the tools and language to start building a life that truly fits me. For the first time, I stopped fighting against myself and began working with my brain.
Two years later, I'm still learning, unlearning, and rediscovering who I am. While I can't change the past, I can use my voice to ensure that others don't have to wait as long as I did.
Awareness is powerful, and it starts with sharing our stories.
